So after losing access to my tumblr account for a while, I’ve finally been let back in! Oh happy day :)
Who says you can’t go back.
I’m officially home! Arrived on our tenth day at 4am, rolling into mom’s house exhausted and happy to throw myself into my old bed. Now its time for job interviews and apartment hunting. Stay tuned!
I owe you pictures.
I really should get better at updating this. I enjoy blogging, it’s just so difficult without a proper laptop or you know, internet at home. Anyways.
Life has been the same I guess, or rough. However you want to look at it. I’m enjoying the hospital more, and the staff are all pretty awesome. I love rural nursing for the variety but I literally spent a whole night shift last week binging on The Mindy Project on Netflix. (Hilarious by the way, totally recommend).
We went camping on my days off this set which was sort of great. We got away from the apartment and got some time in the great outdoors. Sointula on Malcom Island is BEAUTIFUL. If anyone ever wants to get away from the world and just experience island living it’s a great little town. Island living isn’t for me long term but there is a calming aspect to it which I enjoy. The beach is beautiful and, though WE didn’t see any whales (sad face), apparently at Bere Point they will sometimes come right up to shore to rub their bellies on the rocks. REALLY wish we had been there for that but c’est la vie. I’ll post pictures when I have a good connection because it truly was a lovely camping trip even without a bonfire.
Otherwise our lives here are pretty boring. I feel as if all I do is work and then sleep/recover in between. If I were to grade myself on how I’m doing in life vs. work, work is winning and life is failing. I’m so tired that I can’t be present when I’m at home. Which, when I was single, wasn’t a problem because I could totally space out and bring pizza to bed and actually sleep for 48 hours if I wanted to/needed to. But now there is another human being whom I love waiting for me when I get home. He doesn’t ask for my attention, he knows I’m tired, but he does deserve it. I don’t know, this full-time 12 hour shifts thing is exhausting. I can’t see to find a balance. Maybe health wise I’m not taking that great of care of myself (yeah, New Years resolution out the window). So I should work on that when we land in Saint John.
We leave for New Brunswick on the thirtieth of August.We’ve gotten ourselves a lovely tent (only affordable reasonably good one in town) and will be camping our way BACK across the country. It should be interesting, with such little room in the car and the cat with us. I guess I could think of it as an adventure… In all seriousness though, I’m looking forward to both the trip and being home.
Working on a floor again will be an adjustment, and it’s not something I’d like to do forever. But it’s a foot in the door and a job. Well technically I don’t have a job yet. But it look promising! Hopefully I can get into the ER and the ICU as well once I’m there. I am looking forward to a 24 hour Tim Horton’s on site though…
Other things I’m excited for?
- The gym! My goodlife membership will finally be put to use again.
- Hot yoga. Can’t wait to try it.
- 24 grocery stores. And gas stations. And dare I say it McDonalds and Timmy’s.
- Being near my friends and family again!
- Being back on the east coast. It really is beautiful, and I didn’t appreciate it enough when I was there.
- Choosing an apartment uptown and having a market to walk to and people around and cars and noise and you know. City life.
- Decorating said apartment. Perhaps buying my first adult furniture. Who knows.
Okay, I guess I should stop rambling considering few people (if any) still read this old thing. And I have some work to do! Goodnight sweet online world.
Growth is painful. Change is painful.But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.
Mandy Hale (via exiie)
"If you don’t like where you are, move. You are not a tree."
One of my favorite quotes I’ve seen floating around tumblr - it seems appropriate given my current circustances!
Things in Port McNeill haven’t warmed to me much. I’m liking the hospital a bit more but I think that’s just because I’m getting used to it. It’s nice to know your way around. But I think I’d benefit from being in a bigger hospital with more going on, and more resources and learning opportunities.
On my days off there’s not really that much to do. The town is quite dull, and anything worth visitng is either very expensive or far away. We’ve done some little day trips to surrounding communities but they almost make me more sad. Alert Baye across the ferry would have been a beautiful town, but there’s no money in it anymore and it’s just full of empty closed down hotels and restaurants, and houses that people can’t afford to keep tidy anymore. It’s depressing to see a community that is really on it’s way out.
I miss having bars to go to and shops to wander around. I miss 24 hour coffee shops and the bustle of an even semi-busy street in the evening.
Having a full-time position is wonderful security wise, but I feel like if I stay here I would be building my life around my job when it should be the other way around. I love my career, but I don’t want it to be all that I am. Also, if I feel like travelling or taking a vacation I don’t have the freedom that I had as a casual employee. No travel nursing to look forward to, no birthday in New Zealand (oh yeah that might be a thing). I feel very locked in to a place where I have no roots, and I don’t like it.
Going home isn’t exactly what I had planned at the beginning of the year. Probably the exact opposit. But each time I go home I realize more and more what a nice city Saint John is, and how much I miss both the east coast AND my support system. Part of me feels like it’s a failure to move home… but the other half looks at it as choosing my home base. So that I can travel in the future and have somewhere to come back to. If my family gets sick, I’ll be there. Or I’ll be able to be there fairly quickly. When Sarah gets married (yay Sarah!) I won’t just be there for the wedding, and miss all the preparation. I’ll be able to watch Michelle’s little newborn grown up in person instead of over facebook.
“My heart swings back and forth between the need for routine and the urge to run.”
A pretty accurate description. Part of me is looking forward to being home and building my life there again. The other part is terrified I’ll never leave. I do think that, for now at least, it’s the best move for me. I can settle my mind a little. Spend some time with the people that I love and miss very, very much. And then when that urge to run pops up again? Well, I guess I can run. For a little while at least…
I’m a terrible blogger.
But I’ll blame it on how hectic life has been lately. Right as Mitch was healing from his little accident, I heard back about a job! Since then I have flown home, driven across the country, and moved to tiny little Port McNeill in the island. Life moves fast sometimes. And it doesn’t always work out the way we expect it to.
I don’t know what it is, but I’m all over the place right now. I don’t particularly like it here. Its too small, there’s not a whole lot to do or things to see. And I’m bored. So I need to decide on something else, I need to make myself happy. I just don’t know how to do that.
I miss home. I miss my friends and being close to my family. I miss the friendliness of the east coast. Part of me really really wants to go back. Be casual, and travel from there. But then I wonder… Is that failing?
I’ve got some time. I’ll figure it out. Always do!
code by urie